Take A Walk With Me!

This is from the collection of entries I wrote while I was pregnant...Hence the title. This one is a really hard one to share because I feel like I'm standing naked emotionally in these pages. Eeeeeek! (Written 9/02/11)     So, when I found out that I was pregnant.....after taking THREE pregnancy tests......Because I couldn't believe it.......I just KNEW there were going to be some natural disasters in the world. Why did I think there would be natural disasters? Well, the thought of me being someones mother for one! Second, I'm the popular girl with a free spirit who was NEVER tied down with a baby! I've done my share of babysitting but never on a Friday night, if you know what I'm saying! Wouldn't you know that I found out on 8/22/11 and then we had an earthquake on 8/23/11, in Philadelphia no less. We never have earthquakes! But that's not it........Then came Hurricane Irene on 8/28/11. I'd say that was proof enough that this news would shock the ...

Preface: I have recently in the last two months, been through some pretty emotional things. And all these things have culminated into leading me back down this road I am destined to travel......Writing. And so I will bring my blog BACK to life! Posting excerpts of all of the stuff I have already written! It is my one proclivity of putting words together for means of my own personal therapy that seems to also give therapy to others. The most beautiful part of it ALL......I LOVE TO WRITE! I'LL DO IT FOREVER AND BEEN DOING IT FOREVER! Enjoy the ride! I thought it best to start here given how I've been feeling and these excerpts are gonna get REAL DEEP, REAL FAST!    (Written 5/20/02...I titled the page 'Book Commentary')     My heart today is different than it was and I am ashamed for the way I thought and the things that I have done. However, I would not change anything that I've done or been through because all of it made me who I am to...

( Written 9/19/00) .......Even if he didn't have sex with her, I still don't play second string so that whole thing is out! But he keeps asking me if I'm "okay"? Which under code of the streets means: Do you need some money? Now see........that's something different. Don't keep throwing the money thing up in my face because as far as I'm concerned, may the best man win! Unless that love crap comes into play and that just messes it up for everybody! When I love, I love hard. I don't cheat and don't want to be involved with anyone else cause if I'm feelin you, I'm feelin you! That's just me. I think I could've gotten married YEARS ago and been able to remain faithful. Faithful is not a problem for me if I love you but loving someone is really hard to come by for someone such as myself.       When I was out from work on vacation, I didn't do ANYTHING! I just stayed in the house, slept late every day and got super drunk every...

4/06/07 Lord, if today is my last day on this earth and you were to take me in my sleep, I am overjoyed with what I know of you!!!!! Sin not only separates us from God but it also dims the light in our spirit! One night I went out and ended up in a drunken state and made myself sick for two days afterward. Once I began to feel physically better, I still felt under the weather in my spirit. Then it dawned on me, that when we do things to damage the flesh intentionally, such as becoming drunk, it also tampers with our spirituality. I realized that not only did my body need time to recuperate and become sober but that it actually took my spirit longer to sober up longer than it did my body. My spirit needs to be sober to be able to receive the grace that God is willing to offer us when we turn away from Him. Glory be to God for saving us and also accepting us as we are in out fallen state.

(Written 4/20/01) Me and Chanel went to the Regal Beagle last night and she reminded me of a time when we were double dating with Big Man and Clark. Clark was a friend of Big Man’s that I introduced Chanel to so that whenever Big Man and me got together, Chanel and Clark got together as well. Well, this one time in particular they asked us to take a ride with them to Pittsburgh. Now, to be totally honest, I don’t think we even worried about why we were going to Pittsburgh, it was just the fact that the four of us were going to be together. We always had so much fun with them dudes! Before leaving we had to meet up with this older guy that so happened to be joining us for this trip but he was taking his own car. Let’s just call this older guy, Cornelius. Cornelius was wearing what seemed to resemble that of a Russian hat, driving a Honda station wagon and had two Pit Bulls in the back of the car. Now of course you can kinda figure that shit is getting ready to get shady but I never said...

(Written 6/01/00) Last weekend was crazy as shit! I was up to my old tricks again, gettin ' them dudes for their change. Friday was lovely too because I had gotten off from work early. The first thing I thought to do was go and have a drink. After which, I needed to re-up on my cash flow cause I was fuckin ’ it up at the bar and I still had to go to the hairdresser that Saturday morning. I called this guy named Chip that I was dating last summer. Well, I wouldn ’t necessarily call it dating; it was more like fee for service or a sponsorship so to speak. Chip and I went out for salad and on the way home you know he got hit up for that doe! I called Pasta Too Much cause he owed me some money from a while back. [OK, so I came up with the name Pasta Too Much because towards the end of our tryst together he was beginning to have impotency problems and I thought: ‘Al dente pasta is still firm and he was more like over cooked pasta.’ And Pasta Too Much was born!] When he called my cell ...

Marcel had me on some other shit. I often told people that he took my mind and ran with it, without me even knowing that it was gone. I can definitely say that I learned the gift of gab and the art of persuasion from him. He was a master at it. Someone who could take your words and make them fit to what he wants you to believe is the right thing. I would probably spit in his face if I saw him today. I don't know why I have so much hatred in my heart for him? It's been 16 years since we've been together. At least I don't think about him anymore because I used to do a lot of that. Initially we were happy and I didn't think that anything would ever come in the way of that but it did. When I lived in Baltimore and we were dating it was bliss. I was usually over his house or he over mine. We must have slept together 12 times before anything sexual happened. It was becoming scary like I thought he was gay or something. It got to the point where I had to make the first mo...