In the beginning.......

I always say that, everyone has a story.....they just don't take the initiative to write it down. All my shit is already written down, I started when I was graduating from Girls High in 90' and never stopped until maybe when I was 39 or 40. I've got over 1,000 written pages easy! I just have to sit down and put this shit in some kinda order. I have so much material, I probably have about 3 or 4 books total. I think I got over the fear of people knowing about my run after my 1st magazine article was published. When in essence, I started to write just to share the crazy shit that happened to me and around me, for entertainment....... And then, as the years went on, I realized all of it could actually help other girls/women that were in that same space! Initially, it was all fun and games. I was considered pretty spoiled growing up and so my first relationship with a dealer was when I was in 10th grade. He was part of the JBM from Uptown. I actually loved the idea of being able to buy whatever I wanted without having to ask my parents or grandmother. My parents moved in with my grandmother when I was 5. That was my dad's mom. I was also named after her. Anyhow, it was all good in the beginning..... Crazy but good! I was 15 and dude was 21......He was ugly as shit BUT fly as a mutha fucka! That was what helped me to understand that money didn't give a fuck what you looked like! Lol. He taught me a WHOLE lot of stuff..... Being older an all...... Stuff that I still adhere to today! For instance, He said to me, "You shouldn't ever go thru a man's personal effects!" meaning their pockets or pagers or look for incriminating shit in their room. He said, "If the nigga is doing something shady, that shit will come to the surface without you having to look for it!" And he was right! That was exactly how I caught his cheating ass in the end! Lol...... I never snooped thru anybody's shit EVER! And have never had to in order to catch them in lies! Funny how life and karma is when it comes to that! I feel like my 1st dealer kinda laid the groundwork for the rest of those assholes so there's importance there, feel me? When he would pick me up from school, alot of times he would take me to his house and have me help him put his Crack vials together. While I was packaging, he would cook more. Well, once he was done cooking and in another room where I would never see him, he would take the baggie the coke was originally in, turn it inside out and put it over his hand and put his hands behind his back. Then he'd come into the room I was in and ask me to give him a kiss. I would lift my face to his and he would always say, "No! Poke your lips out when you kiss me!" So I'd poke my lips out and then he would swing his arm from around his back and jam that WHOLE fuckin bag in my mouth.... With all that cocaine residue on the outside...... OMG! My whole mouth would be numb! I couldn't feel my lips or tongue! Ugh! It was SO NASTY! I can still taste that shit today! 😖 I think those very instances are what kept me from ever snorting coke or anything that had to do with coke when that shit was popular in the 90's! Anyhow, I would always whine and tell him I hated that and ask him why he did that to me and he would say, "Because I WANT you to hate that shit! I never want you to like it or be curious about it!" Later on I would learn that his mom had fallen victim to Crack and that was probably what prompted him to ensure that never happened with any other females in his life.