Preface: I have recently in the last two months, been through some pretty emotional things. And all these things have culminated into leading me back down this road I am destined to travel......Writing. And so I will bring my blog BACK to life! Posting excerpts of all of the stuff I have already written! It is my one proclivity of putting words together for means of my own personal therapy that seems to also give therapy to others. The most beautiful part of it ALL......I LOVE TO WRITE! I'LL DO IT FOREVER AND BEEN DOING IT FOREVER! Enjoy the ride!
I thought it best to start here given how I've been feeling and these excerpts are gonna get REAL DEEP, REAL FAST!
(Written 5/20/02...I titled the page 'Book Commentary')
My heart today is different than it was and I am ashamed for the way I thought and the things that I have done. However, I would not change anything that I've done or been through because all of it made me who I am today. It has allowed me to see all of the blessings that God has given me even when I wasn't talking to Him. I am able to better appreciate God's love for me when I know there were times that my life was not being lived to please Him but HE still protected me from so much. I have disappointed my parents by revealing my past but it is my present state of mind which should and will make them proud. I want to be able to share my negative experiences to send a positive message, that there is hope when you put your trust and faith in God. Even when you're in a negative environment and unhealthy surroundings, you can still prevail in life!
(Written 5/17/02.....I titled the page 'Thoughts of the Book')
My past does not represent my present except for what I learned from it. I will not apologize for my previous actions because they made me what I am today. My mentality back then, when I read it, makes me nauseous. I don't like reading all of the things that I wrote about myself but all those things made me who I am and I can't change them. To be honest, I wouldn't change them because without them I would be someone different......someone else. What I will do is share my experiences so that others can learn from them. Although I do feel at times that by doing so, I will be exploiting myself and sharing things that for a long time, were only things that I knew. I may jeopardize some friendships/relationships in the course of doing so because not everyone may be happy with the truth. The truth hurts sometimes but honesty resonates. What has happened has happened and what will be will be and none of us can change that! It is all written this way for a reason.
(Written 5/22/02...I titled the page 'Book Commentary')
Times have changed and motives in life must also change. If you don't learn how to adapt you will be stuck doing the same things that you did in the past. Things or situations that you were supposed to learn from begin repeating themselves and instead of moving on from that part of your life, you begin to seek comfort in the things that hurt you. You chase serenity like a drug addict chases the feeling of that first high but unfortunately, you never find serenity because it will never be hidden in an uncomfortable situation. Things that were fun or things that I've done in the past for entertainment are no longer entertaining because I've grown. The people that I hung around or surrounded myself with are either dead, in jail or stuck themselves......doing the same things that we did 10 years ago. Those things aren't appealing to me anymore. The era is so different that the younger generation has no grasp on what it is to respect each other, or themselves for that matter. When I used to get high, the drugs allowed me to ignore my conscience so that I could do things that my sober state of mind may have considered disgusting. That's a part of my life that I want to forget, but without that part.....I may have been able to fall victim to drugs today. I'm at a good age, to be where I am mentally.....to have experienced what I have and now....It is time to take control of my life! To take all of those things that I've learned and apply them to my life today. With that knowledge, along with blessings from God, my path will not be misdirected.Yes, I will endure stressful situations but with a mature mindset, which will allow me to take different approaches in solving my problems. That is proof within that I have grown and I need not prove anything to anyone else but myself and God.
Current Thoughts: It's amazing to me from where I stand that I can read something I wrote 12 years ago and it STILL resonate with me TODAY! I am still growing, still learning and still applying what I've learned from my past. Reading this earlier made me realize what I've always known any time I've ever looked over bits and pieces of my archives......Share your story, Jahara. You've only been writing this thing your WHOLE life!
I thought it best to start here given how I've been feeling and these excerpts are gonna get REAL DEEP, REAL FAST!
(Written 5/20/02...I titled the page 'Book Commentary')
My heart today is different than it was and I am ashamed for the way I thought and the things that I have done. However, I would not change anything that I've done or been through because all of it made me who I am today. It has allowed me to see all of the blessings that God has given me even when I wasn't talking to Him. I am able to better appreciate God's love for me when I know there were times that my life was not being lived to please Him but HE still protected me from so much. I have disappointed my parents by revealing my past but it is my present state of mind which should and will make them proud. I want to be able to share my negative experiences to send a positive message, that there is hope when you put your trust and faith in God. Even when you're in a negative environment and unhealthy surroundings, you can still prevail in life!
(Written 5/17/02.....I titled the page 'Thoughts of the Book')
My past does not represent my present except for what I learned from it. I will not apologize for my previous actions because they made me what I am today. My mentality back then, when I read it, makes me nauseous. I don't like reading all of the things that I wrote about myself but all those things made me who I am and I can't change them. To be honest, I wouldn't change them because without them I would be someone different......someone else. What I will do is share my experiences so that others can learn from them. Although I do feel at times that by doing so, I will be exploiting myself and sharing things that for a long time, were only things that I knew. I may jeopardize some friendships/relationships in the course of doing so because not everyone may be happy with the truth. The truth hurts sometimes but honesty resonates. What has happened has happened and what will be will be and none of us can change that! It is all written this way for a reason.
(Written 5/22/02...I titled the page 'Book Commentary')
Times have changed and motives in life must also change. If you don't learn how to adapt you will be stuck doing the same things that you did in the past. Things or situations that you were supposed to learn from begin repeating themselves and instead of moving on from that part of your life, you begin to seek comfort in the things that hurt you. You chase serenity like a drug addict chases the feeling of that first high but unfortunately, you never find serenity because it will never be hidden in an uncomfortable situation. Things that were fun or things that I've done in the past for entertainment are no longer entertaining because I've grown. The people that I hung around or surrounded myself with are either dead, in jail or stuck themselves......doing the same things that we did 10 years ago. Those things aren't appealing to me anymore. The era is so different that the younger generation has no grasp on what it is to respect each other, or themselves for that matter. When I used to get high, the drugs allowed me to ignore my conscience so that I could do things that my sober state of mind may have considered disgusting. That's a part of my life that I want to forget, but without that part.....I may have been able to fall victim to drugs today. I'm at a good age, to be where I am mentally.....to have experienced what I have and now....It is time to take control of my life! To take all of those things that I've learned and apply them to my life today. With that knowledge, along with blessings from God, my path will not be misdirected.Yes, I will endure stressful situations but with a mature mindset, which will allow me to take different approaches in solving my problems. That is proof within that I have grown and I need not prove anything to anyone else but myself and God.
Current Thoughts: It's amazing to me from where I stand that I can read something I wrote 12 years ago and it STILL resonate with me TODAY! I am still growing, still learning and still applying what I've learned from my past. Reading this earlier made me realize what I've always known any time I've ever looked over bits and pieces of my archives......Share your story, Jahara. You've only been writing this thing your WHOLE life!
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