Take A Walk With Me!

I always say that, everyone has a story.....they just don't take the initiative to write it down. All my shit is already written down, I started when I was graduating from Girls High in 90' and never stopped until maybe when I was 39 or 40. I've got over 1,000 written pages easy! I just have to sit down and put this shit in some kinda order. I have so much material, I probably have about 3 or 4 books total. I think I got over the fear of people knowing about my run after my 1st magazine article was published. When in essence, I started to write just to share the crazy shit that happened to me and around me, for entertainment....... And then, as the years went on, I realized all of it could actually help other girls/women that were in that same space! Initially, it was all fun and games. I was considered pretty spoiled growing up and so my first relationship with a dealer was when I was in 10th grade. He was part of the JBM from Uptown. I actually loved the idea of being abl...

    The unexpected happened the other day, my cell phone just shut down and wouldn't come back on. Initially, for about 10 seconds, I panicked, thinking, "Oh No! I can't make or receive phone calls! I can't text! This is terrible!" Then, in the spirit of understanding that the universe only allows what's meant to happen, to happen........I stopped thinking it was a big deal. It's modern technology, it doesn't heal itself like the human body, it may break down every now and again. Maybe I was supposed to take a break from feeling "connected"? So, instead of skimming the Internet and emails while on the train, on my way home, after balancing my check book, I kept the pen in my hand and pulled out some blank paper. I assumed I needed to discuss with that piece of paper my current issues.     Why is it that women are expected to do the bulk of the housework and child rearing? Even now in 2016 where women are considered independent, self sufficie...

I 'm going off the top here but I've got a quest ion cause my life has just taken an emotionally wicked turn:     What if you had an envelope, the contents of which, had two possibilities. Possibi lity A: If you open it, you find out something that would change entire your life........but in a way that you may actually have wished you had never opened it in the first place! Poss ibility B: You give said envelope to its intended recipient and pretend to be surprised with everyone else when the news leaks.....even though, deep down, NOT knowing what's in that envelope is almost not an option! What would you do?

I am so befuddled at how tragic my circumstances and mental were a little over a decade ago. When I read these entries back to myself.......sometimes I sound like a broken record but that may only be because I've changed tremendously. If I had not changed everything would still sound the same today and instead of shaking my head at my sadness, I would still agree with the words I wrote making it impossible for me to share them! (Written 1/06/03)     A new year but the same problems! Only the strong survive, all is fair in love and war, love is a battlefield, survival of the fittest.....all of these sayings describe this game of love that I am now playing. Is it worth fighting for or do I give up and just walk away? I can't continue to live my life this way because I am really losing focus on what it is that I need to do. I feel relieved when I write and I can honestly say that I have a passion for it but obviously my passion for writing cannot overcome my passion for ...

I, for some reason, am drawn to reading about the sadness in my past. I was in emotional turmoil for a lot longer than I like to believe but the fact that I can read it now and know how things have turned out just make me more grateful. I wasn't really sure of what to post this time but when I read this particular entry it spoke to me....maybe it will also speak to someone else? (Written 7/07/02) "The valley of troubled will be made a door of hope." Unknown "For polish is the result of difficulties. Nearly all of God's jewels are crystallized tears." Unknown     Today I need affirmations in my life. I am again in a place of despair and lonliness. There are so many people that I called today just to hear some nice words and kind comments but it still doesn't fill the void. Why can't I rely on one human person to bring me the loving concern that I so desire in the physical form? I can get unconditional love and genuine concern from God everyday....

After reading what I decided to post tonight......I think I may need to take everyones increasing advice to just go ahead and publish this "9 Months of Clarity" series into a book. Tonight's entry is HILARIOUS! My son was born 4/3/12, less than a month after this entry, so I was really at the tail end of my pregnancy run at the time. Not sure if it would be interesting to men as much as women BUT......The things us women must deal with, even while pregnant (smh)....Enjoy the laughter! I did! (Written 2/10/12)     Technically, my next appointment wasn't until 2/13/12 but I had to schedule an emergency visit and make a mad dash there today. You'll never guess what I did...........Let me back up so you can understand the full story: I knew the hair on my vagina was growing wildly out of control. It had to be, I hadn't seen it in MONTHS! Every time me and my Stud Muffin would have sex, I would ask him, "Is the hair like a forest down there?" To which...