The Love Triangle! (Part I)

Written on 2/04/03

I have put Gad on the back burner in so many instances now, that my word holds no weight with him and rightfully so. I respect that he seems hesitant to trust anything I say all of a sudden, when in the past all I have been able to do is act like a bitch and seem nothing short of impatient. All of my aggravation came from Gad wanting to spend and take up too much of my time, and me wanting to spend more of my time with Seven.

Generally, Seven satisfied my need to be with him but he still disappeared for a day or two, every now and then, with Rikki (the other woman). To be honest, I really didnt feel that I had the room to even say anything to him about it because he had made it VERY clear to me that Rikki and I were the only two people, outside of his mom, that were there for him while he was in jail.

[Note: I feel that if someone is honest enough to keep it real with you from the very beginning that you really can't end up feeling "some kinda way" when you agreed to accept the conditions in the first place!]

Initially, it didnt really bother me because I had Mr. Valentine AND Gad to balance my time out with so, in essence, Rikki helped to take Seven off of my hands every now and then. Eventually, the time spent between Seven and I grew to a height that overcame his dealings with Rikki and my dealings with the other two. Our connection had become so strong that the lifelong friendship we promised each other, had now turned into a love so great that it scared me to death! I thought to myself, "How did I get here?" And then, all of a sudden, the stars and fireworks just came to a halt and I hadn't heard from him in over a 24 period! I attempted to occupy myself during the time he was missing by going out to dinner with Gad but my mind lay heavy on what may have happened to him. "Was he hurt? Did he violate parole and go back to jail? Was he sleepin around? What the fuck?".......I kept saying to myself, as I ate my lobster dinner and smiled, took a valium, and drank shots of Bicardi Limon to sedate myself. Not only to try and put my anxieties at ease but to also make my demeanor my more pleasant for Gad, who was then, very much in love with me!

Seven called my cell phone while I was at dinner but I ignored it as to get back at him, all the while, dying to return his call to see where he had been for over two days! So, even though I ignored the phone call once I got it, my pleasant attitude that I sedated myself for, in order to fake for Gad, had now become one of agitation and impatience. All I needed to do was go home , call this asshole back, and find out what was the reason for his dissappearance! All Gad wanted to do was be with me, and love me, and spend time with me. One did not comply with the other so that made the situation unbearable for me, which actually caused me to make the situation unbearable for Gad, so that he wouldn't want to be in my presence anymore.

Written 2/05/03

(Now peep my mental the very NEXT day!)

Now my every effort is in trying to get Gad to love me again but for some reason, this time around, it seems like we're both playing "emotional" games. But Seven, the one whom I didnt feel the room to comment with, felt it necessary to comment on the fact that I had Gad answer my phone that night. When Gad passed me the phone, Seven was infuriated and sounding terribly angry. And although I was pleased by his anger (because that meant he cared) I was pissed that he had the audacity to come off to me in that way after all I had been through........dealing with and accepting his outside relationship, finding lingerie pictures of some bitch sitting on his dresser, and allowing him to give me those non-chalant, shitty ass, excuses for why he went missing whenever he did! And HE had the nerve to get mad because a guy, that he was aware that I talked to, answered MY phone! Yeah, Right!

So now, Gad was mad because I had another man call me late at night and Seven was mad because he couldn't take what he dished out but luckily, "The Boxer" from D.C. , who I hadn't spoken to in about 2 and a half years, called me and said that he missed me, wanted to see me and that he would be in town that weekend. That D.C. accent drives me wild and I was just about as anxious to see him as he was to see me!

That phone call was right on time because two hours later it was total chaos with those other two! And the beat goes on..........