The Seven Saga! (Part III)

(Written 01/02/04)

Already the second day of the new year and I really have no faith in Seven being committed to me! I remember hearing this dude who was a REAL player saying, "There are 24 hours on Christmas Day; it's easy to fit in more than one woman but there is only 1 midnight on New Year's, that's the hardest holiday for me!" Well, I guess I kind of clung to that idea since I brought in the New Year with Seven at his mom's house at 12:00am. I must be honest, I had my reservations. I thought maybe he would have some lame excuse about not being around but he was home trying to get some sleep. I went to his mom's at about 11:41pm and stayed until almost 1:30am. He was going out with one of his young boaws to hang out. I went home and finished my OCD cleaning session that I had started the night before. Prior to going to Seven's I linked up with Tia so I could get my "drug" on before the year was out. I made resolutions to stop smoking weed and stop taking the occasional sip of syrup for the new year, so obviously I wanted to get ripped on 12/31; to overindulge should I say, as a proper goodbye to the "feel good" drugs I had been taking throughout the year. To be totally honest, I don't know how I am going to be able to deal with all of Seven's infidelities without them. The drugs made the situations a little easier to bear. It helped me to be more non-chalant but when the morning came, as always, once everything wore off.....I usually felt worse! The thoughts lay on my shoulders heavier than the day before. Waking up on the 1st day, of the 1st month of 2004 I felt strange. I felt like it was now time for me to make good of all the goals I had set for myself. Since I was high as a kite New Year's Eve, when I woke up on the couch I could smell the scent of Carpet Fresh and bleach in the air. I had been up cleaning all night. It was immaculate when I looked around. Sometimes I loved the strange habits I incurred while I was groovin'! I went to the market in the morning and bought groceries.....something that I NEVER did. Then I had to get dressed because Seven's mom was having a New Year's Day shindig at her house and this was the second family event that I had been invited to. Everybody in his family was rather fond of me and I was anxious to see everyone again.

His cousins, his aunts.......everybody drank except him, I think? If nothing else, I could always blend in as a drinker. As soon as I got there, he left to go to the mall. I got a plate, went in his room and ate and then made my way back downstairs to start drinking with everybody else. It was lovely! I was the first one to crack open the bottle of Bicardi Limon and between his aunt and I the entire 5th was almost gone before it was all said and done. I was just about roasted. Seven was printing pictures he had taken throughout the day off of the digital camera Rikki gave him last Christmas. He had blocked my view while he was scrolling through the disk to print out particular pictures. He had told me there were some pictures on the camera of the bitch from Maryland but I was unmoved by that because I had already seen those pictures in the summer. Well, the time came when Seven asked me to take a picture of him and his mom. He had me waiting because he wanted to run upstairs and put his shirt back on so he could style. Somehow, the little bit of time it took for him to throw his shirt back on was just enough time for me to scroll through the pictures on the camera. And wouldn't you know that after I viewed the pictures of the ex-girlfriend from Maryland that I had already seen, I was then exposed to some half naked pictures of the bitch in a black jersey with no panties on and her cottage cheese ass sitting on his bed! Not that I had room to talk but I mean, he almost had me believing that he didn't sleep with her. But why then would "condoms" be on his list of things to get from Walmart? Anyhow, it was confirmed over and over and over again for me that Seven had as many girls on the side as I had dudes. But the thing is that I believe that all of his extra curricular activities were making me feel insecure about myself. Yes! Me! Insecure! It's like I felt that maybe he didn't like my body or maybe I lacked a certain something from my physique. But either way, because there are so many others that I knew of, sometimes I felt that they must be there because I wasn't enough for him. Why do we as women always beat ourselves up when a nigga acts stupid and does shit on the side? I think that is why I always relied on Gad to take up the slack of self esteem that I was missing fucking around with Seven. Whether Gad had other girls or not wasn't really the issue. When he was with me it was always, "Okay baby! I see you with that shit on! You look good tonight! You got them legs showin'!" Whatever he said, he always made me feel good about myself. His only short coming was that he was CRAZY!

I couldn't bothered with Gad anymore. The last time I saw him he caused me to smack the shit out of him and those days of my violence were over. I wasn't that same girl anymore with the uncontrollable attitude. I had changed. Become better. Not with my feelings though, I was supposed to be made of steel. I was supposed to be tough but I had fallen weak for Seven. Not weak enough for him to notice though because I was good at blowing him off but I was left wondering: "Does he think I'm stupid? Does he think he's getting over on me? Or better yet, does he even care?" I wasn't that caught up that I'm dealing with a dude that treats me like shit. I really didn't even feel like I was in this hopeless situation and I was the helpless broad at hand because if he knew what I knew he would've left me a long time ago. Funny how life plays those tricks on you, ain't it?