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Dollar, Dollar Bill Yall!

(Written sometime in 1999)
My current state of mind is shitty! I've pulled some capers in my time but never unless I hated the person that the situation would affect. This was the first time ever I've had to do something rotten to someone I still cared about. The fucked up thing about it is I'm at a point where if I let my feelings get in the way, I'll feel bad about what I did but since I'm not in the mood to feel bad.......Fuck It! You would think with, what I call a vast amount of experience in the relationship department I would've never gotten myself into this situation. His name is Dollars, that's his nickname or shall I say what he's known as in the streets. He is almost four years younger than me. When I was dating Big Man, God rest his soul, Dollars was coming up under him. Why was I dating the "help"? (as I like to call it) Well, the "help" had grown up and had no problem gettin' at a dollar! (I guess that's where the nickname came from) You see, if Big Man hadn't of died in that high speed car chase with the Feds he would've been locked up with the rest of his crew on the Rico case that the Feds brought against them. Being that they didn't have enough evidence to keep Dollars on trial for Rico, they had to let him go and in essence, he inherited EVERY corner they had locked down between the five of them! Anyhow, to make a long story short: He put me through the typical young boaw routine. The bitches was callin' my house, he admitted to fuckin' some other broad while we were together and he was constantly on some lyin' shit! "I'll be there, I'm on my way".....you know, the bullshit! In time, I was beginning to feel responsible for Dollars. He was my baby boy. He needed guidance and clarification on certain things in life and I felt like I was supposed to direct him towards the right decision. He never graduated high school cause Big Man had him selling drugs since he was 14! The little nigga could count but there was a lot of shit he couldn't do either! I became blinded in this relationship. No mater how many times I told him how I felt about certain things that he did, he still managed to hurt my feelings. Nothing bothered him and he based everything on finances. I know, I know.....its about the "change" but one things for certain and two's for sure, when your heart is involved the money doesn't matter.

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