These entries deemed a little harder to post than the other ones I read over tonight. I have no idea if someone's feelings will be hurt or not once it's published and I also can't figure out which entry will do the damage? The first, the second, or both!
(Written 11/08/11)
Had a doctor's appointment today. All my blood work has come back normal. I have an extended ultrasound scheduled for this coming Monday. This will be the second level ultrasound for my sequential screening and from what I gather, the last of the genetic testing. This ultrasound will last an hour and they will be checking the brain formation, the bone structure and all those things to ensure the baby is growing perfectly healthy without default. I'm not worried this time as I was in the past because all of my other results and tests have come back normal. What I am struggling with now is this weight gain! Nothing fits me anymore! Everything is so tight on me and I look pregnant in all my shirts! I know.....I am pregnant! But I was hiding this belly so well that now I'm feeling like looking at me is a dead giveaway. Everybody in this hospital has called me out the last two weeks. People keep asking me how far, wanting to pat my belly, asking do I know what I'm having? Don't these people know that I'm NOT that friendly? Ugh! You can smile at me but other than that, keep your hands to yourself and leave me alone! All this weight is also making me feel insecure. There haven't been any changes in my relationship. Nothing has happened to make me feel uneasy. I'm just feeling insecure and I think its because I'm sort of unhappy with my appearance. The way I've been handling that is just trying to ignore it! There's really nothing else I can do. Especially, when everyone is constantly telling me that I'm only gonna get bigger! The crazy thing is that I can't really imagine getting any bigger! Am I even going to be able to drive? Sheesh! I try to keep my nails and feet done, my hair in order, dress cute on the weekends and a smile on my face to keep my ego in a good place but it's been a daily struggle. I will continue to fight against it as long as I have to because I refuse to lose! Just because I can no longer drink and show my cute figure, hang out and be my glammed up self, does not mean that I have to lose my SWAGG! Screw That!! So, now I am just looking forward to my ultrasound because I will get to find out for sure that the boy I "think" I'm having is actually a boy! Then I can tell everyone, "I TOLD YOU SO!"
Hey, a mother knows best!
(Written 11/09/11)
I had a minor dispute with my best friend regarding the invite of two former friends to my baby shower. Yes, I have known both of these women for many years but they have no bearing on my life currently. I had a falling out with both of them on two seperate occassions over a handful of years ago and to be totally honest, neither one of them seem to have my best interest at heart. So, I don't see the point. My sister has me on a VERY tight head count because she said that I have too many friends as it is and so I'll be darned if I waste two spots on those broads! I do feel like I've gotten more mean with the addition of these hormones but I do believe that my tolerance for fakeness is at an all time low! For the last few years we have invited each other back and forth to things and I don't ever go to their events and they don't come to mine, so why continue to send these courtesy invites? I am cordial and do the "air kiss" thing when I see them in public and to me that's friendly enough. Everyone said to look at it as two extra gifts but I don't care about their gifts! I have enough friends, REAL ones, where these two won't be missed! And to be totally honest, I think I'd just be more upset if they got invitations and still didn't bother to come. Being that neither one of them even KNOW that I'm pregnant, sending them invitations just allow them to be nosey and wedge their noses in my business........Or try to anyway! I've said my peace, they're NOT coming! Humph!
Lesson Learned: I guess appearance is still everything, even when you're pregnant. And trying to hide your conditions.....no matter how long you actually are able to get away with it, eventually it all comes to light! So face the music upfront and get on with the next thing because in life, there's ALWAYS a next thing.
I'm really curious to know who these two people were that I refused to invite to my shower but at the same time, with everything I said about why I didn't want them to come I assume it doesn't matter who they were ....as a result of listening to my instincts and standing firm on my awareness that the friendships had turned fake......I no longer have to send courtesy invites nor do I receive them. My present self can thank my pregnant self for that!
(Written 11/08/11)
Had a doctor's appointment today. All my blood work has come back normal. I have an extended ultrasound scheduled for this coming Monday. This will be the second level ultrasound for my sequential screening and from what I gather, the last of the genetic testing. This ultrasound will last an hour and they will be checking the brain formation, the bone structure and all those things to ensure the baby is growing perfectly healthy without default. I'm not worried this time as I was in the past because all of my other results and tests have come back normal. What I am struggling with now is this weight gain! Nothing fits me anymore! Everything is so tight on me and I look pregnant in all my shirts! I know.....I am pregnant! But I was hiding this belly so well that now I'm feeling like looking at me is a dead giveaway. Everybody in this hospital has called me out the last two weeks. People keep asking me how far, wanting to pat my belly, asking do I know what I'm having? Don't these people know that I'm NOT that friendly? Ugh! You can smile at me but other than that, keep your hands to yourself and leave me alone! All this weight is also making me feel insecure. There haven't been any changes in my relationship. Nothing has happened to make me feel uneasy. I'm just feeling insecure and I think its because I'm sort of unhappy with my appearance. The way I've been handling that is just trying to ignore it! There's really nothing else I can do. Especially, when everyone is constantly telling me that I'm only gonna get bigger! The crazy thing is that I can't really imagine getting any bigger! Am I even going to be able to drive? Sheesh! I try to keep my nails and feet done, my hair in order, dress cute on the weekends and a smile on my face to keep my ego in a good place but it's been a daily struggle. I will continue to fight against it as long as I have to because I refuse to lose! Just because I can no longer drink and show my cute figure, hang out and be my glammed up self, does not mean that I have to lose my SWAGG! Screw That!! So, now I am just looking forward to my ultrasound because I will get to find out for sure that the boy I "think" I'm having is actually a boy! Then I can tell everyone, "I TOLD YOU SO!"
Hey, a mother knows best!
(Written 11/09/11)
I had a minor dispute with my best friend regarding the invite of two former friends to my baby shower. Yes, I have known both of these women for many years but they have no bearing on my life currently. I had a falling out with both of them on two seperate occassions over a handful of years ago and to be totally honest, neither one of them seem to have my best interest at heart. So, I don't see the point. My sister has me on a VERY tight head count because she said that I have too many friends as it is and so I'll be darned if I waste two spots on those broads! I do feel like I've gotten more mean with the addition of these hormones but I do believe that my tolerance for fakeness is at an all time low! For the last few years we have invited each other back and forth to things and I don't ever go to their events and they don't come to mine, so why continue to send these courtesy invites? I am cordial and do the "air kiss" thing when I see them in public and to me that's friendly enough. Everyone said to look at it as two extra gifts but I don't care about their gifts! I have enough friends, REAL ones, where these two won't be missed! And to be totally honest, I think I'd just be more upset if they got invitations and still didn't bother to come. Being that neither one of them even KNOW that I'm pregnant, sending them invitations just allow them to be nosey and wedge their noses in my business........Or try to anyway! I've said my peace, they're NOT coming! Humph!
Lesson Learned: I guess appearance is still everything, even when you're pregnant. And trying to hide your conditions.....no matter how long you actually are able to get away with it, eventually it all comes to light! So face the music upfront and get on with the next thing because in life, there's ALWAYS a next thing.
I'm really curious to know who these two people were that I refused to invite to my shower but at the same time, with everything I said about why I didn't want them to come I assume it doesn't matter who they were ....as a result of listening to my instincts and standing firm on my awareness that the friendships had turned fake......I no longer have to send courtesy invites nor do I receive them. My present self can thank my pregnant self for that!
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